What I Had to Unlearn in the Room

Every January, I have a reminder on my calendar that marks my company’s anniversary. 2026 was special: It was the official 10th anniversary of Knight Ridge Consulting. A decade certainly seems like a milestone worth celebrating. But since I’d transitioned to facilitation work the year before, I felt more like a novice than an expert. To make sense of this, I turned to one of my many spiral notebooks and reflected on what had changed most in my work.

Early on, I believed my value as a consultant was in having strong answers, rooted in my fundraising and nonprofit management expertise. I felt pressure to get it right.

Looking back over the last decade, I’ve learned that my best work rarely comes from advice alone. Instead, my best work comes from designing the conditions where groups can do their own thinking, make meaning together, and take shared ownership of decisions.

That shift, from offering answers to designing conditions, has shaped how I now work with nonprofit boards and leadership teams. Focusing on good questions matters more than having all the answers. To do that, here’s what I had to unlearn:

Then: Standing in front of a group with a marker and flipchart and moving through an agenda is facilitating. 

Now: Facilitation is designing the conditions for groups to create change. To do that, I design participation for the quietest person in the room alongside those most willing to jump into discussion. I intentionally slow down the group’s tendency to leap straight to decisions through Technology of Participation's® Focused Conversation Method.

Then: Introducing myself to a group as an impressive expert-consultant proves why I deserve to be there and get paid for my work. 

Now: I share a personal story to connect to the group and build my first steps of trust. And trust is the foundation for everything in collaborative work.

Then: Getting the group to move toward agreement, based on the results I wanted or what the client wanted, was the indicator of success. 

Now: Activities that surface the collective wisdom of the group are more powerful and more impactful long-term, especially for nonprofit organizations navigating continuous uncertainty.

Then: The heart has no place in leadership; it makes you soft. And soft skills don’t make you an expert. 

Now: I keep working to embody Brené Brown’s mantra, “Strong back, soft front, wild heart” to show up as a grounded, courageous leader. I replaced “soft skills” with “structural skills,” inspired to spread the word about Maria Keckler’s work on the Structural Skills Project. I am genuinely curious about individuals’ responses in group discussion, even when it’s not positive. It’s more about welcoming divergent thinking than hoping the group stays upbeat.

If you’d like to be more intentional about your nonprofit’s group discussions and collaboration, I’d start with reviewing the Focused Conversation Method, and Liberating Structures’ 1-2-4-All method. You’ll find over 30 collaborative group methods on Liberating Structures’ website.

If you ever want to jump on a free Zoom call to design a group discussion, you can do that here.

As I reflect on the last decade, I am deeply grateful to all the clients, colleagues, and partners who have trusted me to walk alongside them in this work. And when I look to the next 10 years of Knight Ridge, I’m looking forward to continuing my facilitation practice with care and intention.